...and then the fight started

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started.

________________________________________

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started.

________________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to
the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind
was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,
and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the
house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is
out fishing in that?"

And then the fight started.

________________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a shiny new bathroom scale.
And then the fight started.

________________________________________

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive. so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started.

________________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And then the fight started..

________________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'

And then the fight started.

________________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started.

________________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to me, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and
ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started..