So is his wife..

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[[BDS]-Ole Man Rivers]

Pissed Off Wife

A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

[[BDS]-Ole Man Rivers]

Lets hear your stories...

[[BDS] Gurney (BEER)]

hahaha that'sa good one!

[[BDS] DEADMAN]

three guys are drinking at a bar.  the first guy says "my wife is so dumb!  She just bought a new car and doesnt even know how to drive!"  The second guy said "thats nuthin.  My wife just bought 5 pounds of beef from the butcher and I dont have enough freezer space to store it."  The 3rd guy says "I got you both beat.  My wife is so stupid she is going on a 1 week trip to vegas and she packed 2 boxes of condoms.  she doesnt even have a dick!!"

[[BDS] hav0k99]

CODE WORD FOR SEX

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
 

[[BDS]-Ole Man Rivers]

   A drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"

                                                             

[[BDS]-Ole Man Rivers]

Wife to policeman "Come quickly, my husband and I have been fighting for over an hour!"

    "Why didn't you call us earlier?"

Wife "Upto one minute ago he was winning

[[BDS] Killer]

a man sees a guy drunk as a skunk when he enters the bar. he decides to drive this guy home before he gets in his car and kills someone. he goes to help the man stand up and he promptly falls off the bar stool and bloodies his lip on the floor. so the samaritan picks him up carrys him to the door of the bar "ok just stand here against the wall while i open the door." the drunk shakes his head ok. he falls to the ground again and this time splits open his forehead. they finally get to the samaritans car. "look pal you gotta lean against my car so i can go around and open the doors. the drunk shakes his head ok. as the samaritan lets go the drunk falls face down on the sidewalk and breaks his nose. the samaritan finally gets him in the car the drunk tells him where to go. as the samaritan knocks on the drunks door his wife answers. "holy shit what the fuck happened."
"well hes really drunk and he kept falling down..." "no shit where the fucks his wheelchair."

[[BDS]-Ole Man Rivers]

Where is his wheel chair.. LOL +1 Killer, good fkn laugh I do say.

[[BDS]-Ole Man Rivers]

A man spent six hours in a bar before rolling home to his wife blind drunk. "Where have you been?" she demanded. "I've been to this amazing bar," he slurred, rocking on his feet. "It's called the Golden Saloon and everything there is golden. At the front there are two huge golden doors, the floors are golden and even the urinals are golden." "What rubbish," snapped the wife. "don't believe a word of it." "Here," said the husband, rummaging in his pocket for a piece of paper, "Ring this number if you don't believe me." So the following day she phoned the number on the slip of paper. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asked. "It is," replied the bartender. "Tell me," said the wife, "do you have two huge golden doors at the front of the building?""Sure do," said the bartender. "And do you have golden floors?" "Yup," "What about golden urinals?" There was a long pause and then the wife heard the bartender yell: "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!   

[[BDS]-Ole Man Rivers]

                                                                            

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."

The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."