Reminder: Five Simple Rules of Disengagement

All,

Here is something I posted almost a year ago, but it remains true today:

Whether breaking up with a significant other, quitting a job, or quitting a clan, I have some rules of disengagement for all of you who care to listen.

Rule No. 1: Take the high road.

You are leaving for your own reasons. You don't have to "pwn" the person/company/clan you're leaving as you are on the way out the door. That approach is childish and silly, and only leads to hard feelings.

Rule No. 2: Make a clean break

You've left, and a clean break is essential. That's not to say that, in the case of an organization, you can't keep in touch with some of the members, but you should do your best to stay out of sight and out of mind of the managers/leaders. But insisting that you can keep on hanging around is unseemly, particularly if you insulted the other person on the way out the door.

Rule No. 3: Speak well of those you have left behind.

You chose to leave for your own reasons, but if you devoted the time to the relationship, there is no doubt that you grew from that experience. Focus on the positives and figure out how to make the next thing better. Don't focus on the negatives because that gets you nowhere. There's absolutely no reason to talk smack about the person you left after you're gone. In fact, talking smack about the person you left can cause you a lot of problems downstream because doing so displays a stunning lack of maturity and judgment. I've dinged candidates for jobs for that very reason.

Rule No. 4: Beware of collateral damage.

The fact is that in any relationship there are far more people involved than the ones who are in conflict (i.e., the dumper and the dumpee). In the case of significant others, there are mutual friends and family members who like both people. This issue is even more apparent for organizations, when there are a lot of people who like the departing person both personally and professionally. Even if you don't have the decorum to not talk smack about the person/organization you left, have the good sense not to insult the people who didn't do a blessed thing to you.

Rule No. 5: Don't whine when you get hammered for violating the first four rules.

If you violate any one or all of the first four rules, you should expect negative reactions. When that happens, take responsibility and understand your role in creating the situation. Man up and take the heart the first rule, which is to take the high road.

I hope this has helped. Peace.

--Fog